raindrops on roses

few of my favourite things: a smell, a book, a movie

Before the pandemic I used to visit Latvia biannually (ooh fancy word so early in the evening): February and July. In 2019 I added a November visit to see my granddad for his birthday and deliver some news in person: he was going to be a great granddad. When I told him he said: “Well, that’s nice, isn’t it?” and just continued prepping the fish. This is so typical for him, I’m smiling even thinking about it now.

When we announced our engagement he had a similar lukewarm reaction. This was over a video call. I honestly didn’t even consider the reaction insufficient. He was pleased, he made some jokes, we had a toast. Then he called me the next day to apologise. I was confused. “I feel like I didn’t act accordingly yesterday”, he said. “I’m really happy for you, I just feel like I didn’t express it enough.” I think he’s just so unbelievably great.

So when I told him I was pregnant with Zoe he said “well, isn’t that nice” or something like that. We all went on in silence, me and my cousin exchanging amused looks until my grandma walked in.

“How’s the fish coming along?” she said. And he said: “Well, Nastenka left me a little dumbfounded here… has she told you yet?” And I told her, we’re having a baby. Her face lit up immediately. “That’s so wonderful!” Hugs and kisses, hugs and kisses. Then my granddad said: “Yes, that’s so so wonderful. What a wonderful surprise.” In the same nonchalant tone, but a small voice crack gave him away. How you can live on this Earth for over eighty years and not learn how to express the breadth of your emotions is a mystery to me. But he is as he always was, there are no surprises there. I was always his favourite anyway, that’s what people say.

You know my first thing already. The first thing is snow: when I smell snow that’s how I feel. Like I’m prepping fish with my grandparents in their tiny kitchen, and there are some good news happening. Maybe later I’ll go hang out at my dad’s with his second set of kids and his wonderful second wife*. Of course, I can’t think of all that in just one breath, so I just feel peace. You’re going to have to forgive me for being a sentimental puddle on these last few days of winter, and for going on about snow AGAIN. But that’s my first thing.

*When I delivered the same news to my dad’s family, I told them they’re all getting a promotion. I promote my siblings to aunt and uncle, grandma to great grandma, dad and Sveta to grandma and grandpa… it took them a second. It was really nice.

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The second thing is Gone with the wind, the book. Without even meaning to, girls in my class had a sort of accidental book club. Someone would read a book they really enjoyed and everyone else would read it, too. We did this with a few books but only one of them changed me in ways I still can’t even fully understand. Gone with the fucking wind, man. There’s something about it.

I read it during class. I read it under the blanket at night, I read it at lunch, dinner. I read it while walking to music school for my violin lessons. Everything else I did was just cutting into my reading time; it was so intense. I think I felt as strongly about what was happening in that book as I have of anything in my then 14 year long life. I’m yet to connect with another piece of literature quite this much. I’ve read many great books since then but there’s only one Gone with the wind.

It’s been a while since I read it last but even thinking about it brings me joy. Like nothing ever happened to me yet, and I’m reading the world’s best book, and all the girls I spend my time with temporarily share the same interest.

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Then there’s The Sound of Music, the first musical I’ve ever seen. That story is wacky, man. There’s a nun. No, just kidding, a governess! No, actually, the step mom, also wait, there’s nazis now. Fields and hills! The End.

The Sound of Music score has everything you need. It has a song about a girl that’s different, not everyone’s cup of tea. And she can’t help but be a pain, but she means well. It has a song about facing a challenge, going on an adventure and putting trust in yourself. A song about opening up your heart to love even though it can be scary. Climb every mountain, Maria. (IN AUSTRIA, are they kidding? Do they know how many there are?)

A song a bout a doe, a deer, a female deer, the catchiest song of all time. You don’t think so? Start singing it, see if you can ever stop. It’s been stuck in my head since 1999.

The Sound of Music is discovering a whole new genre, and the smell of my violin rosin, and a song you sing your whole life without it ever getting old.

“Silver white winters that melt into springs, these are the few of my favourite things.” The song that nudged me to write this post. I realised I couldn’t list my favourite things. Sure, there’s lots of things that I like, but what do I think about when I’m feeling sad? Like I said in the last post, it’s been a rough start to the year. Which is okay, it happens. It happens to everyone. People with children, those without, people who are tired, those who sleep wearing those silk hair turbans at night, and even those who have their pantry all organised with labels. I thought I’d talk about this today: things that make me feel better. I showed you mine, now tell me yours.

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Things are so nice now, and I’m planning the most elaborate Easter egg hunt for Zoe and a few of her friends, which is keeping my inner stage manager happy. I will tell you about it some other time.